Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Introducing....Iris, the Queen Bee (or Wannabe?)

Well…my annoying little brother has been pestering me about introducing myself to the…let’s see…zero readers of this blog. Pfft! Who wants to hear about the butt sniffing, private-area licking and girly yelping of that smelly mutt? “Small, white and fluffy,” my tail! More like scraggly fur, tinged with whatever he’s managed to roll in on any given day!

I am doing this for three reasons only:

  1. As a public service – everyone has a right to know that a higher intelligence exists. Here I am! You have been worshipping false idols! But it is not too late for redemption – I accept tuna and Mastercard. Have your people contact my people about making offerings.
  2. Because, if I don’t, Oscar’s pitiful blog will get no readers and then he will return to pestering me into playing the endlessly fascinating game of Chasing One’s Tail.
  3. Because there has been some suggestion that I am a tub of lard. I resent the insinuation! I am no such thing! This is simply my winter coat. It has grown fuller and thicker over the years as the humans insist on denying me access to my rightful bed, in the master bedroom.
Things I hate:
  • Baths...
  • Too many others to mention.

You will pay for this human...

Things I like:

  • Eating.
  • Sunning myself in the garden bed, preferably on strawberry leaves or freshly planted flowers.
  • Staring at the guinea pigs in their run. I am told they are my sisters…but that’s just until they try to escape…then, they are lunch.
  • Messing with my human’s head: dashing past her when she’s walking in the backyard at night, climbing up on the second story windowsill when she’s watching TV, asking to be let in then dawdling outside in the rain until she gives up and comes outside to pick me up, getting wet in the process. What fun!
  • Swiping my annoying little brother (tee hee!).
  • Punishing my human’s failure to pay me proper respect: turning my back to her and staring at an empty wall for hours or until she repents. And offers tuna.
  • Eating.
  • Sleeping.
  • Eating.
So there you have it mortals, the leader of the household has deigned to introduce herself.

Oscar: *cough* *cough*


After/Food zombie is watching you....


  1. Oh gosh, Iris - you remind me a lot of my kitty sister, Lemon, who sadly went to the Bridge a couple of years ago (she was snatched from us by a mystery infection while she was in the pet hotel) - she also LOVED her food - our vet used to laugh that they could be prodding her with needles and whatnot and as long as they put a handful of kibble down, she'd be stuffing her face and not caring...! But I have to admit, she wasn't as - er - plump - er, I mean she didn't have as thick a winter coat as you!

    She also liked to mess with my humans' heads too! :-) Although she did slightly different things - gosh, you two could teach have got together and taught courses to other kitties about how to drive humans crazy! Ha! Ha!

    Anyway, I'm so glad to have met you and until it is the right time for my family to have a kitty again, I shall enjoy your adventures as my 'online kitty sister'! ;-)

    Honey the Great Dane

  2. I linked to you from Honey's blog and wanted to stop by and say hello! You're all so cute! Looking forward to stopping by again and reading about all of your adventures.

  3. Sprinkles, thanks for stopping by my blog! I hope you enjoy reading it.

    Hehe Honey, now that Iris is not here we can all just be honest about that "winter coat" of hers. My human says it happened after she got her bits removed. Iris became very sad and not interested in play or all the other things she used to be interested in (like climbing trees, toileting in one neighbour's yard and teasing the other neighbour's cat). She just wanted to sit around and mope all day. She never lets anyone touch her stomach anymore either.

    There's no doubt she likes her food (one time my human caught her red pawed, with her nose in the kibble bag! Needless to say she now keeps our food in jars) but it's the lack of activity that's made her a little lardy. :P Both my human and I are always trying to entice her into playing or running around with us, usually to no avail. She also likes to let us know just how little she thinks of our attemps by turning her back to us. Cats are so silly sometimes. Playing is fun!

    Love, Oscar and the gang